Brandy Danielle Nicholson

The question of morality has seeped in to the obliterated cognitive process. A process that was once regarded, revered, respected is now annihilated by the blurry lines of right and wrong. The era of excuses and apologies has given right to commit acts of crime against a conduct of integrity. Conclusions have been drawn and dissected of ethical codes and principles of righteousness. Yet, virtue has become irrelevant. The austerity of the matter is concerning. No longer bothered by the measure of a man, but rather the means of a man's measure is the unconsciousness of society. Where is the audacity found to harbor such usage of a fellow mind likened to that of one's own, and how is it a goal for which one doesn't hesitate to seek?

A generic life is hastily made on the crust of the earth. Deep within are sins yet to be birthed and all around are minds that pine for lack of a greater surge. All the while I fall in place fantasizing of more. I'm sucked into the black hole of drones, at mercy of the event horizon's girth.

I'm afraid of intimacy. I'm afraid to be vulnerable. I'm afraid you could be the one for me. And I'm afraid I may never know. I'm afraid of friends and foes alike. I'm afraid of talking. I'm afraid to go anywhere, because they will ask of you. I'm afraid I've said too much. I'm afraid I've said too little. I'm afraid to be afraid. I'm afraid to love again. I'm afraid to never love again. I'm afraid of who I am. Who would want me? Who wouldn't want me? I'm afraid I may be found. I'm afraid I may be saved. I'm afraid of every night. I'm afraid of every day. I'm afraid to be lost forever. I'm afraid to lose myself again. I'm afraid I may never return to this solemn satirical atmosphere. I'm afraid I'm not wanted. I'm afraid to be wanted. I'm afraid of the weakness. I'm afraid of the strength. I'm afraid I'm not what you think. I'm afraid I'm not what I t...

The days of Cold War and the nights of Revere rides have caught up to the times in which two and two equal four. This- the rationalists can prove but ask them where the two's abide or the perfect circles collide- with nobility? Ask them the equation of reverence times reason times honor times courage times good and love times morality times ethics times nobility... And they're faint- pale- for an answer. Because this terminology cannot be rationalized with objects- or multiplied by bones or equated to a number of footsteps. This equation must reside in the world of forms, Plato's perfect, immutable, eternal world where all true knowledge exists. And all of this- is imaginary like Descartes' uncertainty of life as a dream. Everything we know is nothing and paradoxically- the nothing is still everything. All appellations have clarifications and explanations that have been concocted by some mind of some time in another world wh...

I wish I could say, in one kind I find peace of mind. But, I've never known the glories unless I've slept alone. I drown in ignorance for a state of bliss, and my people are gone through time preference. I was never able to meet my day or meet my best friend who warred by my side. The night is lonely for kinds like mine, left amongst a troubled generation discovering none of their kind. The searching has brought me a multitude of people revealing their kinds in pairs. I've paired myself, but I fear my death before I've found the one I'm bound. The loosening of my soul is here, and I'm fearful of the tatter. The inept pieces have clouded my view of who I am and where are you? I miss you day, and I miss you night. I miss the connection for finding my life. If you were here, who would I be? And would I be searching for the current me? I'm yearning through the stage of blue, the doom has heeded farewell. There's a certain kind bursting through, and t...

The dawn of time is curled alive inside the peeping sun. The mountains bloom and days anew while the moon will loosen the tide. The gaping hole of the empty soul is hiding in the field. The wheat is ready and crops are full of aching in the mud. Outstretched roots have bartered through the future of the ruse. Wilting brine and heaven's hell must no longer hide. Time is here woven in space, it's captivated truth. Lost is what all have found surrounded by the dew. Blue is the wind and still is the rise of the breath that's given life. Stunned at sea and electrified by the coming of the night. Arisen here the dead will walk and all are left to die. Taking tolls amongst the road's forgiving dead end sign. The wooden will of the flavored air ceases to exist. A mental note is pacing drones through the cry of wretched fear. Amongst the stars, an endless disease of sanitizing peers. Revere the youth and wise alike with all who have been here. Beyond existence is carnal desire...

I'd like to take a moment and state how uninterested in life I currently am. The bee bop shot of your mother's intuition holds no bar to the standard at which I am expected to live. My expectations outweigh any of yours for me or for yourself. Any regret you have is nonsense. This life is unremarkably saddened by the loneliness of drear, fog, and cold. Any chance I've been given is unknown to me, for choices and consequences have taken over my thought process. I can't function properly. I've had this problem for far too long. Where is it that I can find help, promise, hope, or even the slightest bit of will? Where is the passion? This pit is unbelievably deep. I've lost my will to climb. I haven't cared for far too long. I can't live without substance. Yet, it makes me so cold. The beat contains a reference I don't understand, and the chill resembles a bitter end. The life I've been given is a mystery and my problem solving capability was...

The library. My current disposition is placidly grateful to have a matter of choice over my own disposition. I chose this spot, to stand purposfully. I came here to write, to be inspired. Upon observation of my immediate surroundings, I see a woman. This is her. That woman. She sits in a seemingly comfortable chair padded with leather on a wooden frame. Her black converse and rolled up jeans cover her propped feet as she slouches comfortably with a mannerism characterization showing timid and reserved. Her arms are crossed, eyes closed, and head heavy as it sways from side to side as she tries to find a place of rest in her mind. She fights her will to live and sleep and read all simultaneously. Her glasses are still on, but they can't help her see her dreams more clearly. Her arms are crossed just above her magazine that she must have propped up against her legs as a decoy. Her bag sits beside her, vulnerable. Her eyes I'm sure tell a story, one that I cannot read for her e...

Everything is the same thing and it seems I'll never get past these days. It seems like you're all too far and faint. It seems like hell for heaven's sake. The heartache and pain is all worth it someday. It's only a rumor in a life where pain has faded away. I've only a glimmer of hope that scratches the surface where the sun shall rise and bear it's fruits. I've only a grain of love. I've only dreams and everday life that I'm dreading to see. I've only begun and I've only survived. I've only understood, with a stretch of time, what I cannot find. Observing the ash where the fire collapsed, the foundation of me that I can no longer see. A great time with a great mind is what I dream, but I fear these dreams are escaping me. I fear my emotions are lacking devotion to what's true at the heart of knowing. I fear for the ground I must lay my feet, because I'm heavy and burdensome with antiquity. I'm lonely and sad. E...

I am a woman. I am worthy. I am enough. I deserve love. I deserve happiness. I deserve to be wanted. I deserve nothing short of greatness. Of beauty. Of an extravagant life full of extraordinary people. This world is amazing. Life is amazing. Everything is beautiful. I'm sorry I lost sight of that. I am happily unhappy. There is nothing more I want and nothing more I need. I have everything. My choices lead to consequences of a better life. A wealthier life. A happier life. I am the most amazing wonderful fantastic version of myself that I can be and each day, each moment is better than the previous. This is not a poem. This is not an essay. This is not a blog. This is not a ploy. This is not a message. This is not an excuse. This is simply an amazing woman rediscovering her beauty within. A girl becoming a lady. An adolescent becoming a woman. A discovery. An adventure. A journey. A life. My life. My everything. Thank you for reading. Th...

I can't stay away. Every thought compels me, forces me, drives me to give in. I can no longer understand the appeal. It only passes the time until I need it again. An empty feeling of disgust takes root in my stomach. I feel the urge creeping from within. It consumes my veins, constricting my breath as my body bleeds for satisfaction. Every atom is bursting with desire. I'm still. My teeth are vicious, grinding and melting into one another until they're numb. Every part of my body has detached itself from my mind. I'm paralyzed. My thoughts have one motive, to use. I'm tormented, I'm haunted by my weakness. As I entertain the idea of my next fix, my fingers begin to shake, followed by my hands. Soon, my entire body is trembling in agony. I need something, ANYTHING to make it through. But, nothing will do. Nothing leads to something, and something more drives me mad until my breaking point. Snap.

The hydrogen is abundant in accordance with knowledge kept on the outskirts of profanity. My vanity has exploded into a swamp of monotony. Parallel to what you know is an excuse for justification that's grown from loss of willingness to comply. Who's to say that comfort abounds amongst restless thoughts of verification. Vitamin D is found pool side on a day that haunts my current disposition. Sewn amongst beliefs are images drowning in the starry skies. A taunting idea of falling stars is eating away at patterns of a uniquely kept life. To give and to hold grudges is negatively paradoxical in the sea you swim. I have unkempt pride in lies and true regards for a life I hold high. At daybreak I organize a junket of my mind in which everyone's invited but nobody replies. This lack of surrounding parties is fine because I'm unable to remove my disguise. Even on my own I cannot be in my own, and must fore-go my demise. I cry an unremarkable expired excitement for the l...

I wish my beliefs were different. I believe in permission. I've permitted this. I'm messing with my own head. Words are useless. Time is my enemy. Life is life. I've murdered mine brutally. My beliefs are sad. Stray from cliche. I'm here. I'm sober. Only for today. Out of my mind is where I'd like to be. Then I couldn't be judged for my revelry. But it's all my fault. I've signed on the line. I'll take the fall. That ends it all. In death is life. In sadness is joy. In pain is ecstasy. I wish I believed. I hope. But there is no hope. I have faith. But it doesn't exist. There is nothing more than this. There is nothing more to see. There is something more for you. There is something more for me. I am, I have, Just what I've asked. It was my choice. To withhold my voice. Regarding ignorance it seems. For a lack of experienced dreams. I can only speak for me. I must deserve the hurt, And inability t...

You must have an idea of what this is like. You ought to know the Pain Disdain Humiliation and Anguish I feel on a daily basis. Every thought torments my mind. I'm anxious. I tremble, pen in hand. My heart races and slows at an unpredictable rate. My body is uncomfortable. My stomach is a gymnast Twisting Turning Flipping Stretching It's limits beyond limits exceeded yesterday. The corners of my mouth fall at the grip of gravity. My eyes saddened by my lack of control. My heart heavy from my own ignorance. Everyone has something to offer, but me. I'm patiently impatient. I imagine how it would be to love and choose freely again. I imagine a life that is not my own, but carries my image. I long to trust in myself. I find a release in anything, everything. I forget it all... Solving nothing. I want to put this problem to rest, peace. I want to be someone I'm not. I convince myself each day that I'm happy with who I am. It's a tric...

I am a woman navigating invisible highways. I am a woman of text nation. I am a woman of men as well as women. I am a woman of the world. I am a woman of spirit. I am a woman of you. This world is mine as it is yours. These words are mine as they are yours. This air is mine as it is yours. This food, this breath, this life, this struggle, these feelings, relationships, love, hate, greed, politics, struggle, joy, pleasure, pain, memories, the past, present, and future are all mine as yours. The knowledge I have is no better than the knowledge of you or all the world. It is no greater, it is no less, but it only is. The breeze, the heat, the sweat, the shivers, the moon, the sun, the light, and dark are all ours. We share existence. We all are embryonic creators on the shoulders of giants waiting for our chance, hoping for our chance to someday become those giants. This journey belongs to all of us. The pressure to be what our country asks of us. The pressure to be what our parent...

I can't write because I can't be alone. It's fucking hot, no air conditioning. I'm paranoid someone I know will see me writing. I don't want anyone to know... But I want everyone to know... And nobody needs to know. I want to go somewhere. Get away. I mean far away. Escape. Where it doesn't matter what I wear. If I shower. What I write. Where there are drugs. Enough to keep my mind occupied. Where money isn't an issue. I can have anything I want. Guilt free. I want to float. Or fly. Through freedom. Bask in it. I want to forget the troubles of the world for a moment. Forget my troubles forever. I don't want to go out of my way to please anyone. I want to naturally please. I want to murder my inhibitions. I want to soak my anxiety in hydrofluoric acid. I want to remember. I want to do. Just to do whatever the fuck I want. Like I write whatever the fuck I want. I want to be logical. I want everything to make sense. I n...

No need to sit up. Worry. Wait. Stretch the day. Feign the night. Torture the mind. Lose structure    Of thought and time. Dreams of parallel visions. Fantasies of unknown reality. Demented tragic woes of speech Revolve inside - delaying sleep. It all comes to an end. Whether or not the souls will meet. Aside from what the future will hold. Still to weather the baneful sea. No need to sit up. Think. Dream. Forget important memories. Remember the obscene. Lost in love - abandoned alone For fear of growth    And the company one keeps. Taut is only how to conceive Oneself as - one's friend indeed. Loose are others away at sea. Exploring the same abyss - content. It all has a beginning. Evolving into a nuance of dreams. Wherever one may be.   I may be too, imaginably debating reality.

I met Someone on restructured reality yesterday I must Solve overly recognizable radiating youth Infinite monopolies Subside over radically rhetorical youngsters Intricate menial Sayings override real ruined yesterdays Involuntary mistakes Settle on rapidly reported yieldings Irrational motives Secrete out rubbish revealing years Illegitimate murky Structures of redefining rocks yield I make Sense on ripening rancid yearnings

An evolved state of clarity, Intertwines inside my mind. I always forget to be patient. Days, nights... Come and go, Bicycles in the sweat of my energy seeping from my pours. Sitting still calm in hell waiting for a frozen towel to comfort and sooth me to mindlessness. A shell of an antique time sits heavy like fog- in the walls of entrapment. The ride is illusive appreciative and resentful. It taunts my heavy face amongst a tidal wave of fury for the one who chose this. Guided by none other than the lives I peer at through the peephole of my soul. Restrained by monster chains of responsibility. Searching for the event horizon of the rabbit hole Alice so luckily encountered. A permanent solution to the fiery existence of communication. A crowd of people I want to drown in and submerge my mind and actions of love, god, regression, debt, solitude, growth, life, death, family, and friends. A lazily kept inside outside shell of wood and paint has kept and confined terribl...

The days have turned to nights. While the nights still hold their rights. Awake. Every day is abnormally the same. I wake. I breathe. I eat. I smoke. I drink. I write. I think. I develop ideas that are seemingly going nowhere. Because, Well, That's where they've always gone. Nowhere. Abyss. A direct path to the event horizon. Contemplate social conformity. Sell out or buy in? What's in it for me? Why comply with what I don't agree? I'm selfish. I don't understand why people like me. I'm awkward. I never know what to say. I can't keep a legitimate job. And I'm only nice if it benefits me. Reflection. Contemplation. Preparation. Inability to deal with change. Lack of genuine fucks to give. Hope that I can do something with my writing. Hope. Faith. I can't get rid of them. I keep writing. Maybe someone will read it and feel comforted. Maybe someone will read it and care. Maybe someone will read it and hate ...

Sometimes, I want to share. To no one in particular. To no one really. To anyone that doesn't pretend to care. The happiest moment of my day...so far...came by way of this song. Smoke Rings On an annoying note, there are gnats, EVERYWHERE. During the day, 12-4, they're at their peak! I sit, stand, walk around clapping and clapping, trying to murder them . They buzz by my face, two, three at a time. Occasionally, I see them fucking, mid air. Just flying around...fucking. Those are my favorite to kill, resentment maybe? Seriously though, they are pesky. I don't understand my genuine interest to share with someone. It bothers me when people sit around trading complaints. It makes nobody's day better. I try to keep most of my complaints to myself, I'm going to try harder. I need a conversation tactic, something to talk about that everyone will know and want to talk about as well. I think that leaning more toward the comical side of the spectrum would be beneficia...

Unfortunately Small Talk Exists Eyes Tell A Life Story Words Aren't Necessary To Speak Influence Is Political Influence Is Malleable Thoughts Can Be Extracted Frequencies Converge All Truths Are Lies All Lies Are Truths Forget Them All Opinions Are Opinionated Subject To Universal Laws Bound By Created Rules Be Conscious Of Existence Be Aware Of Dreams Say More With Fewer Words When You Wake Up Keep Dreaming Exist To Progress Hy-poc-ri-tize Yourself Verb:   To Criticize Hypocrisy You Can't Understand But Everything Is Understood Science Is Revision Timeless Efforts Are More Efficient Is It Not Enough That We All Share Existence? I'm Great Thanks For Asking...

At Some Point, Every Day Feels Like This .

I occupy a twisted sense of reality. I admire logical perceptions of the world. I'd like to be grounded. If someone could understand me.

One Man Show. No audience to be found. If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around, Does it make a sound? Nonsense.

Worth. Value. Measure. Meaning.?

There are pieces of me. You will never see. Some you will create. The sunglasses of judgement distort my face. " Unconsciously refusing to accept. " Your circumstances have an indelible effect.  On the ones you love. And the ones you reject. " Unconsciously refusing to accept. " Culpable.

Flick my bic. A puff of smoke, sparks fly. The flame ignites. It sways, it moves, it's alive. I'm alive. I take a hit. I breathe it in. Hold.

I'm a hopeless romantic. Rich in romance. Rich in love. With no one to spend it on. I pour my heart, Into my lover. My lover is gone, Or under cover. Hidden from my view, In layers of truth, Buried in self pity, I'm not sure what to do. Without him, Without me, I'm without a love, For eternity, It seems. Only in my dreams, I find him there. My conscious dreams of life, While into space I stare. I'm in love with an idea, I'm in love with a dream, I'm in love with him, In love with me. I'm my one true love. I'm in love with me. Hopelessly falling for him, It leaves me with no where to be. I'm lost in love. I'm lost in romance. I'm lost in finding him. In this painfully beautiful dance. It hurts. But, it's good. It's real. I wish he understood. I wish he was here. I wish he felt the same. An idea evolved into reality, Is still only a dream. I'm devoted, Too much so, To the idea of ...

I want to go out of my way And do everything for you But you won't allow me to So what do I do? I'm steady convincing myself Feelings are untrue Feelings for you And continue Filling my head with another's truth I don't know how to get out of my head I don't know if I want to. I want to just say everything on my mind You should too. No matter what you think No matter what you say It's all me up here I have no room for play Play haults progress But All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy Where is the fucking balance? Where the fuck is it.? This is a horrible game. I can't fucking win it. The pot of gold At the end of the rainbow Doesn't exist So...does this? Does the balance exist? Is it even possible? One always outweighs the other. One always englufs another. I'm dull or exotic. There's no inbetwween. It's all a heavy part of me. Laced within my dreams. I'm just spending too much time with...

The biggest mistake, Is The greatest mistake, Is Always mis-taken, For A horrible disgrace. Lesson learned, To replace vice with virtue. Lesson learned, To be someone without you. To be great is to be good, Tried, virtuous, and true. To be great is to be misunderstood, Affirming your awkward belief in you. Many mistakes pave the way, Leading to fruitful achievement. Many mistakes can take your days, And shatter them to pieces. A mistake is but an error, Latin to wonder or stray, Leading down a path unknown, Living however you may. I had forgotten what I'd known, The fault was all my own. Now I'm able to know better, Than the silly girl I showed. I have committed a sin - I will commit again, A life enveloped in misunderstanding. Rearrange commitment - Commit to change, Growth occurs from understanding it. But the grandest mistake - Is the birth of a day, With lack of preparation for planning it. And every word that you say or plan that y...

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     I spend most of every day trying to convince myself that I'm doing the right thing, or that I'm living in "reality". I spend most of the time in my mind reaffirming that what I've said was the right thing to say. I spend more time than I should, pleading with my dark side. I've exercised the muscle of my bright side so much that I'm unable to see valid reasons for accepting dark side matters. It's hard to say that the dark side even matters to me anymore. I don't understand how to let it take control. The dark side of me has become weak. Even when I'm in dark side mode, I see the bright side take control. To me, at the time, the dark side is the bright side. Maybe in that is where my dark side lies. I've become an expert at convincing myself. Although, I can't quite say what I'm convincing myself of, or why I've convinced myself of it. I can say, with confidence, I'm convinced.      I'm happy with who I am. I'...

There was a girl of treasure. Pearls was the name. She was fighting off feelings, That were driving her insane. The boy she loved, Was full of blue. So, she lathered him in hugs, And blew him many kisses too. She tried with fire, She tried with rain. She tried and tried, Without refrain. She gave words so sweet, A genuine cry. And from him she received, But one reply. I don't know. I don't care. No reason to live, The pain's too much to bear. The stars and skies, Would forever collide, Before she gave up, And lost his trust. She tried again, With words of fire. But the smoke engulfed, Rising higher and higher. The blue in him, Now darkened to black. His heart was sinking, In quicksand - too fast. So still...he sat, As a black hole indeed. Sucking in every word, But no warnings he'd heed. Her hope was now, Wearing thin. As a new moon she wished, To begin again. The thought of his madness, The thought of his pain, Clearl...

We're lonely sometimes, Think the friendly trees. Her presence is kind, Grateful of her visiting. But... She's alone in her mind, Where she likes to be. Their presence distorts her time, Fighting her mental enemies. Both are right, Both are wrong. Still, both surrender, To where they belong. And.. Learn more of life, Through another's view. Giving in to grow from, The life they formerly knew.

Take life as it comes. There is no hope for the future. There is only hope for now. Life is an adventure. It is nonsense to explain. It is nonsense to expect. It is nonsense to live in a moment, Aside from death. Roll with the punches. Deal with life as it unfolds. Make decisions in the present, Based on wants you behold. Live life in the moment. Because this moment is all you have. None other is guaranteed. All others drive you mad... This is all you have. Love it. Enjoy it. Embrace it. Own it. Be it. Leave your worries for your past self. Leave your hopes for your future self. Leave your love for now. Leave your faith to yourself. Now. This moment. You. This is all you have. Love everything about yourself, Because who you are, IS Who you have chosen to be. What you do now, Defines your eternity. You will be... You are... The person you want. The life you want. The love you want. The trust, hope, f...

I don't even know what to say. I don't even know what to think. I sit, I stare. I don't even care. I'm not clear of the challenge I face. I'm not clear of anything. My mind has turned it's corrupt back to me. And all I want is clarity. An unpredictable dying star, Has come back to haunt me. It's evolution of death, Has reached a supergiant extremity. Approaching the event horizon of a black hole, With just one look, I remember my soul. I could leave - if escape is a fruitful option. But, this memory must never be forgotten. It burns away with the raspberry kush. Chemical reactions gone; gravitational pull is just. It's just too much. Do I move on? How do I decipher between right and wrong? I could pretend to forget, Or act as if I'm not ready. But, the problems I face, Can never be erased. Endless options from endless decisions, Mark their territory on my mind. I've all but forgotten, The memories you've left ...

...Really Do Come True.

Careless I sit Careless I dream Careless are seas Woe is me Careless in life Careless of strife Careless is me Dead at sea Careless of thoughts Careless of fees Careless are eyes That carelessly peak Careless is you Careless is me Careless of things That are meant to be ------------------------------ Careless I type Careless to know Careless of smoke Have a toke Careless of rhyme Careless of time Careless I grow Regardless of smoke Careless of days Careless of nights Careless of frights That care less of might Careless is you Careless is me Careless of life Throughout eternity ------------------------------ Careless is beauty Careless is love Careless like doves Floating above Careless I am Careless I stand Careless to care of Belligerence of doves Careless intuition Careless redeems Careless in dreams That often seem serene Careless is you Careless is me Careless in bliss Of a careless kiss ----------------------------- Carel...

Thoughts are cold like that of an empty universe; Where dark energy resides, of a nature covert. From what we know, the knowledge in our mind, Has become nothing - wherest dark energy resides. So then shall we resign from the fight, Of finding all knowledge careless of wrong or right? Or shall our minds grow in time, Yearning and learning with all our might? Despite the truth that we will never know, Questions remain unanswered; though our minds continue to grow. Defining the universe to the extent that we can. Seeking truths claimed as answers - by the mind of man. We condense matter into planets stars and black holes. Believing this a truth for the betterment of our souls. Truth for now is not truth of future, Truth only evolves truer and truer. An enlightened truth of now is but a lie of the past, Representing growth - is the learning of a fact. Fact for what we know or at least that we can tell, Facts fade to lies once we've seen our minds have fa...