Where My Mind Is Spending It's Time

I don't even know what to say.
I don't even know what to think.
I sit, I stare.
I don't even care.

I'm not clear of the challenge I face.
I'm not clear of anything.
My mind has turned it's corrupt back to me.
And all I want is clarity.

An unpredictable dying star,
Has come back to haunt me.
It's evolution of death,
Has reached a supergiant extremity.

Approaching the event horizon of a black hole,
With just one look, I remember my soul.
I could leave - if escape is a fruitful option.
But, this memory must never be forgotten.

It burns away with the raspberry kush.
Chemical reactions gone; gravitational pull is just.
It's just too much. Do I move on?
How do I decipher between right and wrong?

I could pretend to forget,
Or act as if I'm not ready.
But, the problems I face,
Can never be erased.

Endless options from endless decisions,
Mark their territory on my mind.
I've all but forgotten,
The memories you've left behind.

I need to know how you have evolved.
I need this mystery of mind to be solved.
I need this mental noise to go the fuck away.
I need to know the price you'd pay.

There's one thing I'm missing.
Not to be explained with intuition.
Your words, from your mouth.
Your feelings, your thoughts, lay them out.

Deducing is simple.
Proof is fact.
Tell me what you want,
My surrender's saved for that.

Choices and options,
Tit for tat.
Thoughts of a next move,
Are driving me mad.

Where did you come from?
How the fuck did you know?
You're just what I needed,
To confuse my damned soul.

Such perfect timing you've always had,
Such a beautiful presence that drives me mad.
You're just too perfect, at least in my head,
These feelings and emotions have crept up from the dead.

I'd written it all off, everything you were to me.
I was fine with you as a dream of forgotten destiny.
Then you showed your face, you said my name.
You made me feel, everything was okay.

You gave me a reason to remember myself.
Just like you previously moved me to find myself.
The thought of you is greater than me.
The fulfilling feeling of a moment in eternity.

You sensed that I was drifting away.
Something told you to come, so you came.
Now the very thought of you...
Continues to drive me..........insane.

Why did you arrive on that particular day?
Any other day would not have been the same.
Any other time would not have proven right.
At any other time, there would have been no fight.

Now my mind is engulfed in what I must say.
Thoughts of current situations surround my day.
A way out, A way in...enlighten me to a path of no way.
The space you both fill is colored with shades of gray.

As of now, I have no mother fucking clue.
Thoughts continue haunting me of what to do.
I hope for the best, no matter choices made.
I'm prepared to lie in - whatever bed I make.

That's more than I can say for either of you.