Warmest Regards

I wish my beliefs were different.
I believe in permission.
I've permitted this.
I'm messing with my own head.
Words are useless.
Time is my enemy.
Life is life.
I've murdered mine brutally.

My beliefs are sad.
Stray from cliche.
I'm here.
I'm sober.
Only for today.
Out of my mind is where I'd like to be.
Then I couldn't be judged for my revelry.
But it's all my fault.
I've signed on the line.
I'll take the fall.
That ends it all.
In death is life.
In sadness is joy.
In pain is ecstasy.
I wish I believed.

I hope.
But there is no hope.
I have faith.
But it doesn't exist.
There is nothing more than this.
There is nothing more to see.
There is something more for you.
There is something more for me.

I am,
I have,
Just what I've asked.
It was my choice.
To withhold my voice.
Regarding ignorance it seems.
For a lack of experienced dreams.
I can only speak for me.
I must deserve the hurt,
And inability to breathe.
Unable to function properly,
Amongst normality.
The morality of concerns,
Still exists gracefully.

The first thing on my mind,
Shall be the farthest thing in time.
As a citizen I must cope.
Hold my head high.
It's always been a facade.
Nobody's allowed to see the real me.
I'm too saddened to be through.
I'm too ignorant to be over you.

It's not right.
It's not wrong.
I'm not allowed,
The strength to move on.
I'm too weak to be strong.
And nobody can care,
Because nobody knows.
So nobody's there.

If I knew what I meant,
I could say what I mean.
But I can't understand,
Therefore, I cannot speak.
I wish you knew what to ask.
I wish you wanted to ask.
I wish that you cared for me.
I wish to accept reality.

I'm tired of my life.
I wish it'd go away.
I'm tired of the price,
It is costing to stay.
It could all end.
I can drop the hat.
No.one would mind.
I'm sure of that.
My hope is crushed.
This life is through.
I wish it mattered,
To care for you.