Disappointed

Everything is the same thing and it seems I'll never get past these days.
It seems like you're all too far and faint.
It seems like hell for heaven's sake.
The heartache and pain is all worth it someday.
It's only a rumor in a life where pain has faded away.
I've only a glimmer of hope that scratches the surface where the sun shall rise and bear it's fruits.
I've only a grain of love.
I've only dreams and everday life that I'm dreading to see.
I've only begun and I've only survived.
I've only understood, with a stretch of time, what I cannot find.
Observing the ash where the fire collapsed, the foundation of me that I can no longer see.
A great time with a great mind is what I dream, but I fear these dreams are escaping me. I fear my emotions are lacking devotion to what's true at the heart of knowing.
I fear for the ground I must lay my feet, because I'm heavy and burdensome with antiquity.
I'm lonely and sad.
Every day.
And there is no one who can take that kind of pain away.
I wish this were a travesty.
I wish I were channeling these feelings from someone else.
So that I could go to sleep knowing, I'll wake up to a dream.