Drunken Words. Never Unsure.

I want to go out of my way
And do everything for you
But you won't allow me to
So what do I do?

I'm steady convincing myself
Feelings are untrue
Feelings for you
And continue
Filling my head with another's truth

I don't know how to get out of my head
I don't know if I want to.
I want to just say everything on my mind
You should too.

No matter what you think
No matter what you say
It's all me up here
I have no room for play

Play haults progress
But
All work and no play makes
Jack a dull boy

Where is the fucking balance?
Where the fuck is it.?
This is a horrible game.
I can't fucking win it.

The pot of gold
At the end of the rainbow
Doesn't exist
So...does this?

Does the balance exist?
Is it even possible?
One always outweighs the other.
One always englufs another.

I'm dull or exotic.
There's no inbetwween.
It's all a heavy part of me.
Laced within my dreams.

I'm just spending too much time with people that have no idea.
But,
The people that do have an idea..
How do I go about talking with them about it?
It's awkward.
It's confusing.
It's pointless.
It's all fucking pointless.

Know what's not pointless.
Wine stained lips.
I can live like this.
Drunk and forgotten of the world.

The wine is my friend.
My typwriter is my friend.
The words are my friends.
My head is back again.

My head is my enemy.
But
They say keep friends close
And enemies closer

Who are they?
Why should I respect what they say?
Why should I believe the man.?
Who is there that can understand?

Fuck trying.
Fuck lying.
Fuck the fucking fuck.
Who keeps denying.

Fuck the fucking life
Absent of dying.
Fuck the fucking tears
I'm done with crying.

My enemy is too close.
It's darkening my soul.
My words to you were too much.
I'm at a loss of what to do.

I can't see you
And I'm afraid what you'll think.
So I sit and drink
Throwing my worries away.

Merlot and cantaulope
Just past noon
Save your judgements for the birds
This is nothing new.

My dreams have come true...

Pocket full of money.
Wine all day in my tummy.
Smoking cigarettes till I die.
Is proof that I am something.

I'm judged no matter what I do.
So what's the fucking use,
In doing what you want me to?
I'll live how I choose to.

I'd rather play dumb
Than fill you with inferiority
I know more than you think I know
Too bad you don't
Won't
Refuse
To accept my opinion.

I want to talk.
But nobody understands.
So I sit - And talk to myself.
Because it's who I am.

Like it Love it
Smite it Shrug it
I'm done pretending.
The way I'm spending,
Every day, Every moment
Every hour, Every minute
Living without intention.

My intentions are there,
My intentions are true
Too bad nobody will ever know
What I can give - That I have use.

I'm pretty, I'm beautiful
Fuck the compliments.
Fuck the pick up lines
They don't make sense.

Nothing makes sense.
Nothing is not something as I thought.
I'm tired of being hit on
By those who think I'm what they want.

I'm venting, I'm blurting out some of my feelings.
It's soooooo revealing, sarcastically said.
But you still can't know,
What's going on in my head.

None of you can ever know.
Because noone will allow me to show
In a way that you can understand
The way that I have revealed to man.

I'm too weak to be strong
For the place I may belong
In your life for what you need
I'm too selfish, consumed with me.