Brandy Danielle Nicholson

Everything is the same thing and it seems I'll never get past these days. It seems like you're all too far and faint. It seems like hell for heaven's sake. The heartache and pain is all worth it someday. It's only a rumor in a life where pain has faded away. I've only a glimmer of hope that scratches the surface where the sun shall rise and bear it's fruits. I've only a grain of love. I've only dreams and everday life that I'm dreading to see. I've only begun and I've only survived. I've only understood, with a stretch of time, what I cannot find. Observing the ash where the fire collapsed, the foundation of me that I can no longer see. A great time with a great mind is what I dream, but I fear these dreams are escaping me. I fear my emotions are lacking devotion to what's true at the heart of knowing. I fear for the ground I must lay my feet, because I'm heavy and burdensome with antiquity. I'm lonely and sad. E...

I am a woman. I am worthy. I am enough. I deserve love. I deserve happiness. I deserve to be wanted. I deserve nothing short of greatness. Of beauty. Of an extravagant life full of extraordinary people. This world is amazing. Life is amazing. Everything is beautiful. I'm sorry I lost sight of that. I am happily unhappy. There is nothing more I want and nothing more I need. I have everything. My choices lead to consequences of a better life. A wealthier life. A happier life. I am the most amazing wonderful fantastic version of myself that I can be and each day, each moment is better than the previous. This is not a poem. This is not an essay. This is not a blog. This is not a ploy. This is not a message. This is not an excuse. This is simply an amazing woman rediscovering her beauty within. A girl becoming a lady. An adolescent becoming a woman. A discovery. An adventure. A journey. A life. My life. My everything. Thank you for reading. Th...

I can't stay away. Every thought compels me, forces me, drives me to give in. I can no longer understand the appeal. It only passes the time until I need it again. An empty feeling of disgust takes root in my stomach. I feel the urge creeping from within. It consumes my veins, constricting my breath as my body bleeds for satisfaction. Every atom is bursting with desire. I'm still. My teeth are vicious, grinding and melting into one another until they're numb. Every part of my body has detached itself from my mind. I'm paralyzed. My thoughts have one motive, to use. I'm tormented, I'm haunted by my weakness. As I entertain the idea of my next fix, my fingers begin to shake, followed by my hands. Soon, my entire body is trembling in agony. I need something, ANYTHING to make it through. But, nothing will do. Nothing leads to something, and something more drives me mad until my breaking point. Snap.

The hydrogen is abundant in accordance with knowledge kept on the outskirts of profanity. My vanity has exploded into a swamp of monotony. Parallel to what you know is an excuse for justification that's grown from loss of willingness to comply. Who's to say that comfort abounds amongst restless thoughts of verification. Vitamin D is found pool side on a day that haunts my current disposition. Sewn amongst beliefs are images drowning in the starry skies. A taunting idea of falling stars is eating away at patterns of a uniquely kept life. To give and to hold grudges is negatively paradoxical in the sea you swim. I have unkempt pride in lies and true regards for a life I hold high. At daybreak I organize a junket of my mind in which everyone's invited but nobody replies. This lack of surrounding parties is fine because I'm unable to remove my disguise. Even on my own I cannot be in my own, and must fore-go my demise. I cry an unremarkable expired excitement for the l...

I wish my beliefs were different. I believe in permission. I've permitted this. I'm messing with my own head. Words are useless. Time is my enemy. Life is life. I've murdered mine brutally. My beliefs are sad. Stray from cliche. I'm here. I'm sober. Only for today. Out of my mind is where I'd like to be. Then I couldn't be judged for my revelry. But it's all my fault. I've signed on the line. I'll take the fall. That ends it all. In death is life. In sadness is joy. In pain is ecstasy. I wish I believed. I hope. But there is no hope. I have faith. But it doesn't exist. There is nothing more than this. There is nothing more to see. There is something more for you. There is something more for me. I am, I have, Just what I've asked. It was my choice. To withhold my voice. Regarding ignorance it seems. For a lack of experienced dreams. I can only speak for me. I must deserve the hurt, And inability t...

You must have an idea of what this is like. You ought to know the Pain Disdain Humiliation and Anguish I feel on a daily basis. Every thought torments my mind. I'm anxious. I tremble, pen in hand. My heart races and slows at an unpredictable rate. My body is uncomfortable. My stomach is a gymnast Twisting Turning Flipping Stretching It's limits beyond limits exceeded yesterday. The corners of my mouth fall at the grip of gravity. My eyes saddened by my lack of control. My heart heavy from my own ignorance. Everyone has something to offer, but me. I'm patiently impatient. I imagine how it would be to love and choose freely again. I imagine a life that is not my own, but carries my image. I long to trust in myself. I find a release in anything, everything. I forget it all... Solving nothing. I want to put this problem to rest, peace. I want to be someone I'm not. I convince myself each day that I'm happy with who I am. It's a tric...

I am a woman navigating invisible highways. I am a woman of text nation. I am a woman of men as well as women. I am a woman of the world. I am a woman of spirit. I am a woman of you. This world is mine as it is yours. These words are mine as they are yours. This air is mine as it is yours. This food, this breath, this life, this struggle, these feelings, relationships, love, hate, greed, politics, struggle, joy, pleasure, pain, memories, the past, present, and future are all mine as yours. The knowledge I have is no better than the knowledge of you or all the world. It is no greater, it is no less, but it only is. The breeze, the heat, the sweat, the shivers, the moon, the sun, the light, and dark are all ours. We share existence. We all are embryonic creators on the shoulders of giants waiting for our chance, hoping for our chance to someday become those giants. This journey belongs to all of us. The pressure to be what our country asks of us. The pressure to be what our parent...

I can't write because I can't be alone. It's fucking hot, no air conditioning. I'm paranoid someone I know will see me writing. I don't want anyone to know... But I want everyone to know... And nobody needs to know. I want to go somewhere. Get away. I mean far away. Escape. Where it doesn't matter what I wear. If I shower. What I write. Where there are drugs. Enough to keep my mind occupied. Where money isn't an issue. I can have anything I want. Guilt free. I want to float. Or fly. Through freedom. Bask in it. I want to forget the troubles of the world for a moment. Forget my troubles forever. I don't want to go out of my way to please anyone. I want to naturally please. I want to murder my inhibitions. I want to soak my anxiety in hydrofluoric acid. I want to remember. I want to do. Just to do whatever the fuck I want. Like I write whatever the fuck I want. I want to be logical. I want everything to make sense. I n...

No need to sit up. Worry. Wait. Stretch the day. Feign the night. Torture the mind. Lose structure    Of thought and time. Dreams of parallel visions. Fantasies of unknown reality. Demented tragic woes of speech Revolve inside - delaying sleep. It all comes to an end. Whether or not the souls will meet. Aside from what the future will hold. Still to weather the baneful sea. No need to sit up. Think. Dream. Forget important memories. Remember the obscene. Lost in love - abandoned alone For fear of growth    And the company one keeps. Taut is only how to conceive Oneself as - one's friend indeed. Loose are others away at sea. Exploring the same abyss - content. It all has a beginning. Evolving into a nuance of dreams. Wherever one may be.   I may be too, imaginably debating reality.

I met Someone on restructured reality yesterday I must Solve overly recognizable radiating youth Infinite monopolies Subside over radically rhetorical youngsters Intricate menial Sayings override real ruined yesterdays Involuntary mistakes Settle on rapidly reported yieldings Irrational motives Secrete out rubbish revealing years Illegitimate murky Structures of redefining rocks yield I make Sense on ripening rancid yearnings

An evolved state of clarity, Intertwines inside my mind. I always forget to be patient. Days, nights... Come and go, Bicycles in the sweat of my energy seeping from my pours. Sitting still calm in hell waiting for a frozen towel to comfort and sooth me to mindlessness. A shell of an antique time sits heavy like fog- in the walls of entrapment. The ride is illusive appreciative and resentful. It taunts my heavy face amongst a tidal wave of fury for the one who chose this. Guided by none other than the lives I peer at through the peephole of my soul. Restrained by monster chains of responsibility. Searching for the event horizon of the rabbit hole Alice so luckily encountered. A permanent solution to the fiery existence of communication. A crowd of people I want to drown in and submerge my mind and actions of love, god, regression, debt, solitude, growth, life, death, family, and friends. A lazily kept inside outside shell of wood and paint has kept and confined terribl...