Brandy Danielle Nicholson

The question of morality has seeped in to the obliterated cognitive process. A process that was once regarded, revered, respected is now annihilated by the blurry lines of right and wrong. The era of excuses and apologies has given right to commit acts of crime against a conduct of integrity. Conclusions have been drawn and dissected of ethical codes and principles of righteousness. Yet, virtue has become irrelevant. The austerity of the matter is concerning. No longer bothered by the measure of a man, but rather the means of a man's measure is the unconsciousness of society. Where is the audacity found to harbor such usage of a fellow mind likened to that of one's own, and how is it a goal for which one doesn't hesitate to seek?

A generic life is hastily made on the crust of the earth. Deep within are sins yet to be birthed and all around are minds that pine for lack of a greater surge. All the while I fall in place fantasizing of more. I'm sucked into the black hole of drones, at mercy of the event horizon's girth.

I'm afraid of intimacy. I'm afraid to be vulnerable. I'm afraid you could be the one for me. And I'm afraid I may never know. I'm afraid of friends and foes alike. I'm afraid of talking. I'm afraid to go anywhere, because they will ask of you. I'm afraid I've said too much. I'm afraid I've said too little. I'm afraid to be afraid. I'm afraid to love again. I'm afraid to never love again. I'm afraid of who I am. Who would want me? Who wouldn't want me? I'm afraid I may be found. I'm afraid I may be saved. I'm afraid of every night. I'm afraid of every day. I'm afraid to be lost forever. I'm afraid to lose myself again. I'm afraid I may never return to this solemn satirical atmosphere. I'm afraid I'm not wanted. I'm afraid to be wanted. I'm afraid of the weakness. I'm afraid of the strength. I'm afraid I'm not what you think. I'm afraid I'm not what I t...

The days of Cold War and the nights of Revere rides have caught up to the times in which two and two equal four. This- the rationalists can prove but ask them where the two's abide or the perfect circles collide- with nobility? Ask them the equation of reverence times reason times honor times courage times good and love times morality times ethics times nobility... And they're faint- pale- for an answer. Because this terminology cannot be rationalized with objects- or multiplied by bones or equated to a number of footsteps. This equation must reside in the world of forms, Plato's perfect, immutable, eternal world where all true knowledge exists. And all of this- is imaginary like Descartes' uncertainty of life as a dream. Everything we know is nothing and paradoxically- the nothing is still everything. All appellations have clarifications and explanations that have been concocted by some mind of some time in another world wh...

I wish I could say, in one kind I find peace of mind. But, I've never known the glories unless I've slept alone. I drown in ignorance for a state of bliss, and my people are gone through time preference. I was never able to meet my day or meet my best friend who warred by my side. The night is lonely for kinds like mine, left amongst a troubled generation discovering none of their kind. The searching has brought me a multitude of people revealing their kinds in pairs. I've paired myself, but I fear my death before I've found the one I'm bound. The loosening of my soul is here, and I'm fearful of the tatter. The inept pieces have clouded my view of who I am and where are you? I miss you day, and I miss you night. I miss the connection for finding my life. If you were here, who would I be? And would I be searching for the current me? I'm yearning through the stage of blue, the doom has heeded farewell. There's a certain kind bursting through, and t...

The dawn of time is curled alive inside the peeping sun. The mountains bloom and days anew while the moon will loosen the tide. The gaping hole of the empty soul is hiding in the field. The wheat is ready and crops are full of aching in the mud. Outstretched roots have bartered through the future of the ruse. Wilting brine and heaven's hell must no longer hide. Time is here woven in space, it's captivated truth. Lost is what all have found surrounded by the dew. Blue is the wind and still is the rise of the breath that's given life. Stunned at sea and electrified by the coming of the night. Arisen here the dead will walk and all are left to die. Taking tolls amongst the road's forgiving dead end sign. The wooden will of the flavored air ceases to exist. A mental note is pacing drones through the cry of wretched fear. Amongst the stars, an endless disease of sanitizing peers. Revere the youth and wise alike with all who have been here. Beyond existence is carnal desire...

I'd like to take a moment and state how uninterested in life I currently am. The bee bop shot of your mother's intuition holds no bar to the standard at which I am expected to live. My expectations outweigh any of yours for me or for yourself. Any regret you have is nonsense. This life is unremarkably saddened by the loneliness of drear, fog, and cold. Any chance I've been given is unknown to me, for choices and consequences have taken over my thought process. I can't function properly. I've had this problem for far too long. Where is it that I can find help, promise, hope, or even the slightest bit of will? Where is the passion? This pit is unbelievably deep. I've lost my will to climb. I haven't cared for far too long. I can't live without substance. Yet, it makes me so cold. The beat contains a reference I don't understand, and the chill resembles a bitter end. The life I've been given is a mystery and my problem solving capability was...

The library. My current disposition is placidly grateful to have a matter of choice over my own disposition. I chose this spot, to stand purposfully. I came here to write, to be inspired. Upon observation of my immediate surroundings, I see a woman. This is her. That woman. She sits in a seemingly comfortable chair padded with leather on a wooden frame. Her black converse and rolled up jeans cover her propped feet as she slouches comfortably with a mannerism characterization showing timid and reserved. Her arms are crossed, eyes closed, and head heavy as it sways from side to side as she tries to find a place of rest in her mind. She fights her will to live and sleep and read all simultaneously. Her glasses are still on, but they can't help her see her dreams more clearly. Her arms are crossed just above her magazine that she must have propped up against her legs as a decoy. Her bag sits beside her, vulnerable. Her eyes I'm sure tell a story, one that I cannot read for her e...

Everything is the same thing and it seems I'll never get past these days. It seems like you're all too far and faint. It seems like hell for heaven's sake. The heartache and pain is all worth it someday. It's only a rumor in a life where pain has faded away. I've only a glimmer of hope that scratches the surface where the sun shall rise and bear it's fruits. I've only a grain of love. I've only dreams and everday life that I'm dreading to see. I've only begun and I've only survived. I've only understood, with a stretch of time, what I cannot find. Observing the ash where the fire collapsed, the foundation of me that I can no longer see. A great time with a great mind is what I dream, but I fear these dreams are escaping me. I fear my emotions are lacking devotion to what's true at the heart of knowing. I fear for the ground I must lay my feet, because I'm heavy and burdensome with antiquity. I'm lonely and sad. E...

I am a woman. I am worthy. I am enough. I deserve love. I deserve happiness. I deserve to be wanted. I deserve nothing short of greatness. Of beauty. Of an extravagant life full of extraordinary people. This world is amazing. Life is amazing. Everything is beautiful. I'm sorry I lost sight of that. I am happily unhappy. There is nothing more I want and nothing more I need. I have everything. My choices lead to consequences of a better life. A wealthier life. A happier life. I am the most amazing wonderful fantastic version of myself that I can be and each day, each moment is better than the previous. This is not a poem. This is not an essay. This is not a blog. This is not a ploy. This is not a message. This is not an excuse. This is simply an amazing woman rediscovering her beauty within. A girl becoming a lady. An adolescent becoming a woman. A discovery. An adventure. A journey. A life. My life. My everything. Thank you for reading. Th...

I can't stay away. Every thought compels me, forces me, drives me to give in. I can no longer understand the appeal. It only passes the time until I need it again. An empty feeling of disgust takes root in my stomach. I feel the urge creeping from within. It consumes my veins, constricting my breath as my body bleeds for satisfaction. Every atom is bursting with desire. I'm still. My teeth are vicious, grinding and melting into one another until they're numb. Every part of my body has detached itself from my mind. I'm paralyzed. My thoughts have one motive, to use. I'm tormented, I'm haunted by my weakness. As I entertain the idea of my next fix, my fingers begin to shake, followed by my hands. Soon, my entire body is trembling in agony. I need something, ANYTHING to make it through. But, nothing will do. Nothing leads to something, and something more drives me mad until my breaking point. Snap.