Brandy Danielle Nicholson

You must have an idea of what this is like. You ought to know the Pain Disdain Humiliation and Anguish I feel on a daily basis. Every thought torments my mind. I'm anxious. I tremble, pen in hand. My heart races and slows at an unpredictable rate. My body is uncomfortable. My stomach is a gymnast Twisting Turning Flipping Stretching It's limits beyond limits exceeded yesterday. The corners of my mouth fall at the grip of gravity. My eyes saddened by my lack of control. My heart heavy from my own ignorance. Everyone has something to offer, but me. I'm patiently impatient. I imagine how it would be to love and choose freely again. I imagine a life that is not my own, but carries my image. I long to trust in myself. I find a release in anything, everything. I forget it all... Solving nothing. I want to put this problem to rest, peace. I want to be someone I'm not. I convince myself each day that I'm happy with who I am. It's a tric...

I am a woman navigating invisible highways. I am a woman of text nation. I am a woman of men as well as women. I am a woman of the world. I am a woman of spirit. I am a woman of you. This world is mine as it is yours. These words are mine as they are yours. This air is mine as it is yours. This food, this breath, this life, this struggle, these feelings, relationships, love, hate, greed, politics, struggle, joy, pleasure, pain, memories, the past, present, and future are all mine as yours. The knowledge I have is no better than the knowledge of you or all the world. It is no greater, it is no less, but it only is. The breeze, the heat, the sweat, the shivers, the moon, the sun, the light, and dark are all ours. We share existence. We all are embryonic creators on the shoulders of giants waiting for our chance, hoping for our chance to someday become those giants. This journey belongs to all of us. The pressure to be what our country asks of us. The pressure to be what our parent...

I can't write because I can't be alone. It's fucking hot, no air conditioning. I'm paranoid someone I know will see me writing. I don't want anyone to know... But I want everyone to know... And nobody needs to know. I want to go somewhere. Get away. I mean far away. Escape. Where it doesn't matter what I wear. If I shower. What I write. Where there are drugs. Enough to keep my mind occupied. Where money isn't an issue. I can have anything I want. Guilt free. I want to float. Or fly. Through freedom. Bask in it. I want to forget the troubles of the world for a moment. Forget my troubles forever. I don't want to go out of my way to please anyone. I want to naturally please. I want to murder my inhibitions. I want to soak my anxiety in hydrofluoric acid. I want to remember. I want to do. Just to do whatever the fuck I want. Like I write whatever the fuck I want. I want to be logical. I want everything to make sense. I n...

No need to sit up. Worry. Wait. Stretch the day. Feign the night. Torture the mind. Lose structure    Of thought and time. Dreams of parallel visions. Fantasies of unknown reality. Demented tragic woes of speech Revolve inside - delaying sleep. It all comes to an end. Whether or not the souls will meet. Aside from what the future will hold. Still to weather the baneful sea. No need to sit up. Think. Dream. Forget important memories. Remember the obscene. Lost in love - abandoned alone For fear of growth    And the company one keeps. Taut is only how to conceive Oneself as - one's friend indeed. Loose are others away at sea. Exploring the same abyss - content. It all has a beginning. Evolving into a nuance of dreams. Wherever one may be.   I may be too, imaginably debating reality.

I met Someone on restructured reality yesterday I must Solve overly recognizable radiating youth Infinite monopolies Subside over radically rhetorical youngsters Intricate menial Sayings override real ruined yesterdays Involuntary mistakes Settle on rapidly reported yieldings Irrational motives Secrete out rubbish revealing years Illegitimate murky Structures of redefining rocks yield I make Sense on ripening rancid yearnings

An evolved state of clarity, Intertwines inside my mind. I always forget to be patient. Days, nights... Come and go, Bicycles in the sweat of my energy seeping from my pours. Sitting still calm in hell waiting for a frozen towel to comfort and sooth me to mindlessness. A shell of an antique time sits heavy like fog- in the walls of entrapment. The ride is illusive appreciative and resentful. It taunts my heavy face amongst a tidal wave of fury for the one who chose this. Guided by none other than the lives I peer at through the peephole of my soul. Restrained by monster chains of responsibility. Searching for the event horizon of the rabbit hole Alice so luckily encountered. A permanent solution to the fiery existence of communication. A crowd of people I want to drown in and submerge my mind and actions of love, god, regression, debt, solitude, growth, life, death, family, and friends. A lazily kept inside outside shell of wood and paint has kept and confined terribl...

The days have turned to nights. While the nights still hold their rights. Awake. Every day is abnormally the same. I wake. I breathe. I eat. I smoke. I drink. I write. I think. I develop ideas that are seemingly going nowhere. Because, Well, That's where they've always gone. Nowhere. Abyss. A direct path to the event horizon. Contemplate social conformity. Sell out or buy in? What's in it for me? Why comply with what I don't agree? I'm selfish. I don't understand why people like me. I'm awkward. I never know what to say. I can't keep a legitimate job. And I'm only nice if it benefits me. Reflection. Contemplation. Preparation. Inability to deal with change. Lack of genuine fucks to give. Hope that I can do something with my writing. Hope. Faith. I can't get rid of them. I keep writing. Maybe someone will read it and feel comforted. Maybe someone will read it and care. Maybe someone will read it and hate ...

Sometimes, I want to share. To no one in particular. To no one really. To anyone that doesn't pretend to care. The happiest moment of my day...so far...came by way of this song. Smoke Rings On an annoying note, there are gnats, EVERYWHERE. During the day, 12-4, they're at their peak! I sit, stand, walk around clapping and clapping, trying to murder them . They buzz by my face, two, three at a time. Occasionally, I see them fucking, mid air. Just flying around...fucking. Those are my favorite to kill, resentment maybe? Seriously though, they are pesky. I don't understand my genuine interest to share with someone. It bothers me when people sit around trading complaints. It makes nobody's day better. I try to keep most of my complaints to myself, I'm going to try harder. I need a conversation tactic, something to talk about that everyone will know and want to talk about as well. I think that leaning more toward the comical side of the spectrum would be beneficia...

Unfortunately Small Talk Exists Eyes Tell A Life Story Words Aren't Necessary To Speak Influence Is Political Influence Is Malleable Thoughts Can Be Extracted Frequencies Converge All Truths Are Lies All Lies Are Truths Forget Them All Opinions Are Opinionated Subject To Universal Laws Bound By Created Rules Be Conscious Of Existence Be Aware Of Dreams Say More With Fewer Words When You Wake Up Keep Dreaming Exist To Progress Hy-poc-ri-tize Yourself Verb:   To Criticize Hypocrisy You Can't Understand But Everything Is Understood Science Is Revision Timeless Efforts Are More Efficient Is It Not Enough That We All Share Existence? I'm Great Thanks For Asking...

At Some Point, Every Day Feels Like This .

I occupy a twisted sense of reality. I admire logical perceptions of the world. I'd like to be grounded. If someone could understand me.