Brandy Danielle Nicholson

At Some Point, Every Day Feels Like This .

I occupy a twisted sense of reality. I admire logical perceptions of the world. I'd like to be grounded. If someone could understand me.

One Man Show. No audience to be found. If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around, Does it make a sound? Nonsense.

Worth. Value. Measure. Meaning.?

There are pieces of me. You will never see. Some you will create. The sunglasses of judgement distort my face. " Unconsciously refusing to accept. " Your circumstances have an indelible effect.  On the ones you love. And the ones you reject. " Unconsciously refusing to accept. " Culpable.

Flick my bic. A puff of smoke, sparks fly. The flame ignites. It sways, it moves, it's alive. I'm alive. I take a hit. I breathe it in. Hold.

I'm a hopeless romantic. Rich in romance. Rich in love. With no one to spend it on. I pour my heart, Into my lover. My lover is gone, Or under cover. Hidden from my view, In layers of truth, Buried in self pity, I'm not sure what to do. Without him, Without me, I'm without a love, For eternity, It seems. Only in my dreams, I find him there. My conscious dreams of life, While into space I stare. I'm in love with an idea, I'm in love with a dream, I'm in love with him, In love with me. I'm my one true love. I'm in love with me. Hopelessly falling for him, It leaves me with no where to be. I'm lost in love. I'm lost in romance. I'm lost in finding him. In this painfully beautiful dance. It hurts. But, it's good. It's real. I wish he understood. I wish he was here. I wish he felt the same. An idea evolved into reality, Is still only a dream. I'm devoted, Too much so, To the idea of ...

I want to go out of my way And do everything for you But you won't allow me to So what do I do? I'm steady convincing myself Feelings are untrue Feelings for you And continue Filling my head with another's truth I don't know how to get out of my head I don't know if I want to. I want to just say everything on my mind You should too. No matter what you think No matter what you say It's all me up here I have no room for play Play haults progress But All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy Where is the fucking balance? Where the fuck is it.? This is a horrible game. I can't fucking win it. The pot of gold At the end of the rainbow Doesn't exist So...does this? Does the balance exist? Is it even possible? One always outweighs the other. One always englufs another. I'm dull or exotic. There's no inbetwween. It's all a heavy part of me. Laced within my dreams. I'm just spending too much time with...

The biggest mistake, Is The greatest mistake, Is Always mis-taken, For A horrible disgrace. Lesson learned, To replace vice with virtue. Lesson learned, To be someone without you. To be great is to be good, Tried, virtuous, and true. To be great is to be misunderstood, Affirming your awkward belief in you. Many mistakes pave the way, Leading to fruitful achievement. Many mistakes can take your days, And shatter them to pieces. A mistake is but an error, Latin to wonder or stray, Leading down a path unknown, Living however you may. I had forgotten what I'd known, The fault was all my own. Now I'm able to know better, Than the silly girl I showed. I have committed a sin - I will commit again, A life enveloped in misunderstanding. Rearrange commitment - Commit to change, Growth occurs from understanding it. But the grandest mistake - Is the birth of a day, With lack of preparation for planning it. And every word that you say or plan that y...

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     I spend most of every day trying to convince myself that I'm doing the right thing, or that I'm living in "reality". I spend most of the time in my mind reaffirming that what I've said was the right thing to say. I spend more time than I should, pleading with my dark side. I've exercised the muscle of my bright side so much that I'm unable to see valid reasons for accepting dark side matters. It's hard to say that the dark side even matters to me anymore. I don't understand how to let it take control. The dark side of me has become weak. Even when I'm in dark side mode, I see the bright side take control. To me, at the time, the dark side is the bright side. Maybe in that is where my dark side lies. I've become an expert at convincing myself. Although, I can't quite say what I'm convincing myself of, or why I've convinced myself of it. I can say, with confidence, I'm convinced.      I'm happy with who I am. I'...