Brandy Danielle Nicholson

Everything is the same thing and it seems I'll never get past these days. It seems like you're all too far and faint. It seems like hell for heaven's sake. The heartache and pain is all worth it someday. It's only a rumor in a life where pain has faded away. I've only a glimmer of hope that scratches the surface where the sun shall rise and bear it's fruits. I've only a grain of love. I've only dreams and everday life that I'm dreading to see. I've only begun and I've only survived. I've only understood, with a stretch of time, what I cannot find. Observing the ash where the fire collapsed, the foundation of me that I can no longer see. A great time with a great mind is what I dream, but I fear these dreams are escaping me. I fear my emotions are lacking devotion to what's true at the heart of knowing. I fear for the ground I must lay my feet, because I'm heavy and burdensome with antiquity. I'm lonely and sad. E...

I am a woman. I am worthy. I am enough. I deserve love. I deserve happiness. I deserve to be wanted. I deserve nothing short of greatness. Of beauty. Of an extravagant life full of extraordinary people. This world is amazing. Life is amazing. Everything is beautiful. I'm sorry I lost sight of that. I am happily unhappy. There is nothing more I want and nothing more I need. I have everything. My choices lead to consequences of a better life. A wealthier life. A happier life. I am the most amazing wonderful fantastic version of myself that I can be and each day, each moment is better than the previous. This is not a poem. This is not an essay. This is not a blog. This is not a ploy. This is not a message. This is not an excuse. This is simply an amazing woman rediscovering her beauty within. A girl becoming a lady. An adolescent becoming a woman. A discovery. An adventure. A journey. A life. My life. My everything. Thank you for reading. Th...

I can't stay away. Every thought compels me, forces me, drives me to give in. I can no longer understand the appeal. It only passes the time until I need it again. An empty feeling of disgust takes root in my stomach. I feel the urge creeping from within. It consumes my veins, constricting my breath as my body bleeds for satisfaction. Every atom is bursting with desire. I'm still. My teeth are vicious, grinding and melting into one another until they're numb. Every part of my body has detached itself from my mind. I'm paralyzed. My thoughts have one motive, to use. I'm tormented, I'm haunted by my weakness. As I entertain the idea of my next fix, my fingers begin to shake, followed by my hands. Soon, my entire body is trembling in agony. I need something, ANYTHING to make it through. But, nothing will do. Nothing leads to something, and something more drives me mad until my breaking point. Snap.

The hydrogen is abundant in accordance with knowledge kept on the outskirts of profanity. My vanity has exploded into a swamp of monotony. Parallel to what you know is an excuse for justification that's grown from loss of willingness to comply. Who's to say that comfort abounds amongst restless thoughts of verification. Vitamin D is found pool side on a day that haunts my current disposition. Sewn amongst beliefs are images drowning in the starry skies. A taunting idea of falling stars is eating away at patterns of a uniquely kept life. To give and to hold grudges is negatively paradoxical in the sea you swim. I have unkempt pride in lies and true regards for a life I hold high. At daybreak I organize a junket of my mind in which everyone's invited but nobody replies. This lack of surrounding parties is fine because I'm unable to remove my disguise. Even on my own I cannot be in my own, and must fore-go my demise. I cry an unremarkable expired excitement for the l...

I wish my beliefs were different. I believe in permission. I've permitted this. I'm messing with my own head. Words are useless. Time is my enemy. Life is life. I've murdered mine brutally. My beliefs are sad. Stray from cliche. I'm here. I'm sober. Only for today. Out of my mind is where I'd like to be. Then I couldn't be judged for my revelry. But it's all my fault. I've signed on the line. I'll take the fall. That ends it all. In death is life. In sadness is joy. In pain is ecstasy. I wish I believed. I hope. But there is no hope. I have faith. But it doesn't exist. There is nothing more than this. There is nothing more to see. There is something more for you. There is something more for me. I am, I have, Just what I've asked. It was my choice. To withhold my voice. Regarding ignorance it seems. For a lack of experienced dreams. I can only speak for me. I must deserve the hurt, And inability t...