Brandy Danielle Nicholson

I’m marking the days off day by day waiting for those two that give me the time I need to be me only to sink into the oblivion of a distant sea. Drowning.  They’re acclimating me. I’m becoming a cog in their wheel. They’re training me to be an arm of their law lost in the machine. Grinding away my bones and blood for my body and mind to fit in. To succumb. To their will. Their desires. Everything is a question. Nothing is an action. There is no free will. There is only their will. And me? I’m someone else. I’m still her. Buried beneath the sea of infinite turmoil. Laid to rest in the forgotten oblivion of time and stars and faded away to dust. I am dust. I am not her. I am not special. I’m them. I’m they. I’m what they want me to be. I’m the fire that lights when the lighter is struck and never burns down a forest. But I am the fire. They try to contain me. They try to tame me. They try to box me into a tiny little package that pleases them. And I’ve spent so much time learning to ...

im scared of what i see when i close my eyes and im scared of what i see when theyre left open the images we surround ourselves with become the images we cant escape cant erase cant relive if only to face the nightmares on wax the nightmares of tax the nightmares of him with his eyes rolled back the love i see the remedies i know the atrocities i see  the movements that glow the care-taken the deceased the ones that live away from me the crawling the obsessed the ruins of the distress you lied to me you verified the truths with the solidity of my soul the outrageous knowings that haunt my mind and the shadows of our lives the gracious gratitude and subtle solitude ive faced in all my years cant begin to show the atrocities subdued within you you didn't give me a chance to love you you took me for advantage you took the words and screwed the heartaches the words are coming too fast okay give me a break i cant think i cant move on i cant stay and i cant go on i cant look at you i don...

Throw yourself into your work What is your work? What do you do? What do you love? How do you know? You are the master of your own mind and the keeper of the soul that resides You are the healer You are the wounded You are the most authentic version of yourself You know that what is meant to be is meant to be and it will find its way to you You are the keeper of the secret of the universe and it is your responsibility to share it with the world You will never figure it out They will never figure it out That’s not your work Figuring is fun but this cannot be done You can only live in your authentic form You can only create You have the ability to alchemize your pain and your love into art You are the art The art cannot help but flow through you The master of the mind holds the responsibility of expressing love through linear time and this is you Find your shadow and bring her too She is the best and biggest part of you She is the reason you do She is the creation of you This is the culm...

 You were right. 

I wonder what is happening up there. I wonder how the waves crash and the words melt into formative beliefs.  What are you thinking? I can't think for thinking. I can't get into my own head because I wonder too much about your head. I think I could be more thoughtful if I could just know. I think if I could get out of my own head and into my own head I could be better.  Thoughtfully thinking of things unsaid appear from the fog of a stormy night where the headlights are my only hope for sight. The illumination overwhelms me into ignorance. The light is all I can see, but I know there's more to me. I know there's more out there. I know the light is the way. But I must wait until the day.  When the day comes everything is clear, But then the night is always near.  The shadow in the background, Dominating my inevitable fear.

Equal energy exchange forgoing the lack of instability creates deities amongst loyalties that cannot be defined in causality.  Growths of fortunes foretold realize grants to the ones who have shared the most.  But isn’t reciprocity the act of lovingly and thoughtfully subtracting the whacky nature of demonic inspired seismic activity among thoughtful interpretations of a nature that demands balance? Or what are we to decide and abide the truths that lie inside the buried wealth within us all? What is taken and what is given and who can truly know the difference? How can the temptation of the world be so brutally balanced that we try to help ourselves unnecessarily. And the mountains of gratitude cannot and will not be a part of the temptuous succession that we have claimed as reality. But isn’t that malleable? Isn’t it all circumstantial and aren’t we all made in the creative image of the one true creator that is the energy that surrounds us all and cannot be defined as t...

A day to daze upon the confusion of my disposition floats in my resistance to a dream come true. Thoughts of loving you and being sane could easily haunt me day to day, but my brain hides the good and expels the truth and I try so hard to extract the proof to prove the truth of the things I've seen and where I've been and why it matters in the scheme of things. Because bills and money consume my mind and nothing else matters until I take control of the cadence that I'm constantly trying to define, but it seems so hard and its not supposed to be. So somebody tell me what I'm doing wrong, because I try for the life of me to repress the bad thoughts and replace them with good and it seems never ending and uncontrollable and I tell myself no, but myself doesn't care and I try to be fair and repress again but my mind is thin and wearing down around the uncontrollable sound of the nonexistent matter that defines my correlation between whats real what matters and what is...

#4 in the "Letters To The Multiverse" series - #letterstothemultiverse - "Still No Reply"

#3 in the "Letters To The Multiverse" series - #letterstothemultiverse - "Mystified"