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Carefully Wondering

I wonder what is happening up there. I wonder how the waves crash and the words melt into formative beliefs. 

What are you thinking?

I can't think for thinking. I can't get into my own head because I wonder too much about your head. I think I could be more thoughtful if I could just know. I think if I could get out of my own head and into my own head I could be better. 

Thoughtfully thinking of things unsaid appear from the fog of a stormy night where the headlights are my only hope for sight. The illumination overwhelms me into ignorance. The light is all I can see, but I know there's more to me. I know there's more out there. I know the light is the way. But I must wait until the day. 

When the day comes everything is clear,

But then the night is always near. 

The shadow in the background,

Dominating my inevitable fear.


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Powerless Life, Powerless Night

I have never really understood will power. I understand boredom. I think it's a waste of time to think about how boring your imagination is. You're so dull, you can't entertain yourself, but I get it. I've had will power, and I like to think that once you've experienced something, it increases your knowledge of said something. But when I weigh out the benefits of telling yourself what you want, and then sticking to it, it falls short on the scale next to living in the moment. Making crazy, off the wall, out of the blue, stupid decisions is part of being human, it's part of the human experience. I can't understand why people don't want to make bad decisions. It was one of "those days." The kind of emotional girl roller coaster days you'd see in a rom com where the girl is taking turns comforting herself in greasy french fries and Tom Hanks' love stories with whatever her name is with the orgasms, except there were drugs, and it wa...
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